If I could write a novel…

November 19, 2006

I wonder what their parents tell them when they look for their Lola Celia.  Did they tell them she died?  Did they tell them she is living somewhere far away now?  They are just 5 and 4 years old.. as my mother-in-law once blurted out, they will probably forget about her because they are young.  The thought must’ve hurt her a lot.  She had poured the last five years of her life taking care of them everyday.  As if it was not enough that someone she raised as her own daughter disowned her, with that came the exit from her life of two of her precious grandchildren.

I know that as special as Angel is to her, he cannot take the place of his two "cousins".  And although the stepson is always going to be the apo closest to her heart, the loss of the two little girls is something that has pained her heart no end.

So I wish I could write that novel and get it published.  Then one day when the girls are of age and their grandmother would’ve said goodbye to this world for good, I could just give them the book and they can read and hopefully remember their beloved Lola.  We have enough pictures to show them and jog their memory, but at best, that will just serve to remind them of the Lola who loved them so much — it will not help them make up for lost time after they were taken away from her.

It’s just a thought.. but I’m not holding my breath it will ever be real.  But I can try, and when the right time comes, then they can read about their Lola..and maybe they will remember how it was to be loved by this woman with a heart of gold.  And they will know that the world as they knew it changed drastically one day as spring was about to come because of circumstances that led to the outpouring of hate that had been repressed — because there was a mother who didn’t feel a need to tell her daughter she was adopted.

Forget about all her sacrifices — she was told a parent does those things without expecting anything in return.  That she should not expect to be thanked or be recognized or at least be given due respect for having sheltered her then college-age adopted daughter and her boyfriend — allowing them to live in together under her own roof just so she can make sure the adopted daughter finished college.  Or forget that she sewed the gowns for the whole entourage for that daughter’s wedding and embellished what would have otherwise been a plain wedding gown, turning it into a Maria Clara masterpiece.  And she should not expect to be thanked for having taken cared of her grandchildren all these years despite the fact that when the first was born, she had just hit 70 years of age.

Parenthood, as I am beginning to realize, is an unending story of giving.  And yes, we do it without expecting anything in return.  Yet it does not mean that we do not expect at least the love to be returned=.  For after all, as parents, we try to give it unselfishly and without fail.  We try.  My mother-in-law has her own faults — perhaps it was her unselfish giving that nurtured that kind of mentality in her adopted daughter — without asking for anything in return, she gave and gave and gave.  She gave of her time and money unselfishly, even to the very last.  And all she has now are framed pictures of her precious grandchildren, and the pain of losing a child as if she had died.  She used to tell my Mom, "Masakit pala ang mamatayan ng anak."

It’s a story worth telling.  Perhaps one day.. the story will find itself alive in print, and the right eyes will read them and know the truth.

Time’s cover story REACHING FOR THE CENTER give us a an analysis of what the overwhelming loss suffered by the Republic party in the midterm elections shows about the American sentiment, but does not quibble about the fact that many of the Democrats who won were handpicked for their conservative views to swing mostly conservative enclaves in the political landscape.  Instead of going with traditional Democrats, they fielded candidates whose views did not vary markedly from the incumbent Republicans in order to get the nod of the voting public.  For most Republicans, the loss was simply because they were Republicans.  Even those who chose to stand outside of their party lines on decisive issues lost — with their constituencies seeming to forget that they voted against Bush’s main platform.  (The link provides a summary but you will have to get a hold of this week’s edition to read the full story.)

"SEARCHING FOR AN EXIT STRATEGY" is a very interesting discussion on the current government’s much-awaited move towards finding a way to leave Iraq, from the formation of the Baker commission as created by Bush, to the big question of whether or not the incumbent  President will actually accept the recommendations of Baker and company once everything is threshed out and a strategy is formulated.  (The link gives us the full text of the article.)

There’s also a feature on Film Director Pedro Almodovar and his muse, Penelope Cruz (HOW PEDRO RESCUED PENELOPE) , and the current James Bond (UM, IS THAT YOU BOND?), but the most interesting pieces I read were two articles I read on the way to work this morning:  MY MOTHER, MY PRESIDENT, an essay by ALEXANDRA PELOSSI, daughter of incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi who writes about how different and how similar her mother and President Bush are.  I found this essay very refreshing and heartwarming, giving these two larger than life characters a heart that we rarely, if ever, get a glimpse into.  The second is TODAY’S NUN HAS A VEIL — AND A BLOG which discusses the resurgence of an awakening to "the call" to religious life by more and more young women and nesting mothers here in the US.  (All links give the full article — but I cannot guarantee how long these links will be working so go and take a read if you find that any of my recommendations pique your interest.)

Bookcrossing.com

November 15, 2006

A postcard trader who visited my original website once left a guestbook entry introducing me to Bookcrossing.com after she read about how I loved to read.  This was years ago and here I am preparing to release my first book into the wild.

Touted as the World’s Biggest Book Club, their welcome page states:

"You’ve come to a friendly place, and we welcome you to our book-lovers’ community. Our members love books enough to let them go — into the wild — to be found by others. Sharing your used books has never been more exciting, more serendipitous, than with BookCrossing. Our goal, simply, is to make the whole world a library. BookCrossing is a free online book club of infinite proportion, the first and only of its kind. Inside, you’ll find millions of book reviews and hundreds of thousands of passionate readers just like you.

Let’s get right down to it. You know the feeling you get after reading a book that speaks to you, that touches your life, a feeling that you want to share it with someone else? BookCrossing.com gives you a simple way to share books with the world, and follow their paths forever!"

The mechanics are simple.  You register a book you are going to release, get a unique BCID (Book Crossing Identification) Number for the book, put a bookplate or label on the book with the number, with the simple instruction for the finder to go to bookcrossing.com and register the fact that the book has been "found", leave comments on the book or its "discovery", and then release the book back into the wild for others to find.

I was thinking of releasing my first book into the wild in Paris, but then, New York is my home, so here I am getting ready to release one of my FOR ONE MORE DAY books (I had bought several) into the wild before the week is out.

Bookcrossing members can likewise "Go Hunting" by searching for recent book releases in particular venues.  Yes, there are books being released in Manila, believe it or not!  I’d love to snag a book released via bookcrossing.com myself.. one of these days. New York is one of the main avenues for bookcrossing.com and there are thousands of books out there, with a release happening at least every other day it seems.

Happy book hunting!

Coconuter, anyone?

November 12, 2006

Originally posted in Pinay New Yorker on Nov. 2, 2006

I have gotten two recommendations to read this blog, COCONUTER, in a span of two days, so yes, I’ve visited, but I haven’t had the chance to really dig deep and react because his blog is on blogspot.com and for some reason is filtered by the company server.  =(  Same reason why I cannot blog while at work because my server, blog.com, is blogged.. este, blocked.  I have Cora and SassyLady to thank for the recommendation.

I have been raving about our dear Texan-Pinoy nomad to my husband and find so much inspiration in this young man.  I actually wish my own son will one day grow up to be like him.  It inspires me no end as a Mommy to a Fil-Am that there is hope that my son will still identify with his parent’s and his heritage when he is older even if he is raised here in the United States.  Not that I would take his giving up acceptance to an Ivy League college sitting down, but I think this journey of self discovery is sometimes a necessary and good choice for one who has the means and character to do it. 

We have a friend who married early and divorced by age 34 who turned his back on a well-paying expat rated job with no less than Citigroup in Asia two years ago, resigning from an SVP position and has since toured Europe, gone to Nepal, climbed the rocks on the West Coast, and made Manila his home base again during this haitus.  He begins working again this coming week. I am sure his experience traipsing around the globe, camping out and driving in a VW Combi around Europe is truly priceless.

Our young friend, David, though, started early — and his sojourn is all the much more meaningful because he has chosen to explore the land of his roots.  He could’ve opted to go backpacking through Europe, but no, last I read, he was in Zambales.  While there are a ton of resorts in that province, my own exposure to this province speaks of a very rural landscape and way of life. 

And yes, he is fluent in Tagalog!  (Inspiration hits me again as I keep translating common words to my two and a half year old son who can now say he’s had enough by saying "Tama ma.. dami na kanin.")  If the Latinos and Koreans can do it, why do we Filipinos allow our children to lose their mother tongue when they start hitting school?)  If he can speak Tagalog, and he has that sense of adventure, I know he will survive his adventure into his forefather’s motherland.

Angel’s Ninong is an IT executive in a financial services company here in  New York.  A twenty-something NYU graduate, he lamely tries to speak the language but he tries — and he is trying to learn because he told me once that he thought of studying Spanish formally, but then a friend chided him for thinking about another language when he cannot even speak Tagalog, so he has tried to learn the language better since. 

And if you look at his profile, goodness, the guy can give some of the trying hard wannabes on the Kapuso and Kapamilya networks a run for their money.  This young man has the looks, the brains, and most important of all, a heart big enough to have room to love the country of his ethnicity enough to actually want to be a part of it.  Part of me asks — is he for real?  And we all know he is.  And a smile crosses my face, and I get that warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart.  I remember my own Fil-American boy, and I wish that when he is older, he will find himself going back to his ethnic roots in much the same way.  I will not protest if he tells me he wants to see the place where his father and I grew up.  I will encourage him if he tells me he wants to help his kababayans and contribute to helping this struggling country.  Noble dreams — but realistic ones.  Thanks to David, I know that dream is liveable and not too lofty an ideal.

David, I wish you luck.  And I’ll be here lurking in the shadows, but still rooting for you on this personal journey of yours. 

I’m writing this post in response to those who have written me and left comments on my main blog at http://pinaynewyorker.com regarding law school. I hope that my anecdotes, insights and thoughts in general about the pursuit of a legal career will help you find your way to being a lawyer someday. Please remember, though, that I am speaking from my own personal experience and am not an authority on the subject matter beyond the fact that I was once a law student myself.

It has been almost 20 years since I took the entrance exam for the College of Law of the University of the Philippines and the Ateneo School of Law. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I didn’t take any other entrance exams. It wasn’t that I was sure I would pass either or both entrance exams, but rather because I told myself that if I didn’t make it in either one, I didn’t feel like continuing with my pursuit of higher studies. (Okay, the truth was, "I knew deep in my heart" as former Dean Cynthia Del Castillo used to say in her lectures, that I was bound to pass at least one of the two.)

I was still in UP Manila trying to wrap things up when I started preparing for the law entrance exams. I made a conscious effort to do word power exercises in the months prior to the exams. My goal was two-fold — to jog my brain and train it to think faster, and to sharpen and enhance my vocabulary because both exams were heavy on this. With some parts of the tests giving you only 10 seconds or so to think of the word meaning or in some instances, its opposite, it was important to be able to do definitions by context or at least by being able to make an intelligent guess.

Etymology was key. Many words we have never heard of sound vaguely familiar because some part of it is rooted in another word we know. Most word powers were focused on attacking vocabulary enrichment by educating the reader on word history. So for months and months I did word power books, did them again after I had gone through 6-8 pocketbooks and kept reading.

Like most aptitude examinations, this wasn’t really something you could study for. You could prepare for it, but if you didn’t have the knowledge or inclination they were seeking out, you had a less than fair chance of passing. The tests are structured in such a way that it would "see" you faking your way through it by guessing the answers. And how can you possibly go around the essays? Both required one essay at the end of the battery of exams, and I would think that they are still required to this day. After all, it is essential for a lawyer to write coherently. Even sans the legalese, one must be able to demonstrate an ability to write.

I can still hear Atty. Victor Alimurong who gave us our orientation saying "If you have no English, shift to music." It was a punchline that sent us laughing, although it had more truth in the guise of something said in jest. Does this mean that those who are "grammatically challenged" should shy away from taking the law entrance exams? I think not. But I do agree with Atty. Alimurong that it is essential, given that the Bar examinations are giving in English.

I have always believed that anything can be learned if you put your heart and mind to it. If you feel that you do not have the ammunition to hurdle the English requirement, brushing up by reading voraciously and actively seeking out classes or self-help books that will help you brush up are readily available if you seek them out.

The choice to take up Law is one that doesn’t come like a bulb suddenly turning on in the darkness. It is usually something that one decides on after careful thinking. The first hurdle is to take the entrance examinations. If you can make it through that, then you are well on your way to seeking out a dream. Good luck to all those law school hopefuls out there.. just put your best foot forward and let’s keep our fingers crossed you make it.

Originally posted at Motherhood, Etc.

At just two and a half years old, Angel can already name of all Thomas and his friends.  He still speaks in broken sentences but is now very communicative.  Of course nothing beats seeing him smile and watch Thomas with rapt attention even if it’s a DVD he has watched over and over again.

He now curls up next to me and insists that he sleep in my arms.  It’s not always easy but it is just impossible to resist.  I like that he is very tactile and affectionate.  These are qualities that I have been hoping to inculcate in him — I want him to be able to show freely how he feels. I want him to be brave enough to touch others and not to be afraid of human contact.  I want him to go beyond the customary kiss hello and feel free to touch another person.  So that when he is a parent himself, he can give his love openly, not left to conjecture, but out in the open.

I’m not worried about him.  Already, he runs to his dad when he starts coughing and lovingly carresses his Dad’s back to help him.  That’s priceless to me.  Little gestures like that beget kindness and compassion towards others. 

Like every parent, I have lofty dreams for his future but I am keeping my expectations reasonable.  But I will be happy if at the very least, he turns out to be a good person.  So that’s what I’m working at. 

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I won’t be like other parents who pressure their kids to excel.  That would be nice, I am sure, to see him performing and excelling.  But I’d like him to have a happy childhood.  I want him to seek to be at the top only if he wants to — not because I or his father want him to.  We only live life once — and I want to help him live his well, like he has helped me to find my own happiness by coming into my life.

Caveat: Some of the links to the articles in TIME Magazine are open for public reading, and some are just introductions to the article adverted to. I cannot guarantee that the links will still be present when next week’s edition loads, but it’s worth a try if you are evaluating this week’s edition and thinking about buying it.

I am taking a little longer reading this week’s edition of TIME, but I’ve already picked up so much from it. One of the first articles I read was the Q&A interview with film director RIDLEY SCOTT which saw me putting KINGDOM OF HEAVEN on my Blockbuster Online queu, and I’m mulling about getting a copy of A YEAR IN PROVENCE on which his soon to be shown Russell Crowe film A GOOD YEAR is based. (Plus of course it gets extra points for being set in Provence which is in France…) I’m going to try and watch the two DVDs I have at home so I can get my queu moving.

The book is readily available but I am hoping to get Robert Arbor’s JOIE DE VIVRE book first. That’s a Frenchman transplanted to New York City talking about the philosophy behind the French way of life. (Again, the Pinay Francophile in me.. ) I can’t wait for next week’s edition, though, which I am sure will be devoted to the elections of this week. There is a rather profound discussion on GOD vs. SCIENCE but there are days when my brain just wants to take a leisurely walk through the park instead of running uphill to do an intense mental workout. If I want to do some heavy reading, I already have the print outs of the Philippine Supreme Court decision on LAMBINO ET AL vs. COMELEC on the People’s Initiative. (I was writing about why I’m poring through the decision and all the individual opinions when my draft disappeared a day or two ago.)

Time to start reading again.

Updating my Friendster Blog

November 10, 2006

Okay, I’m guilty.  I haven’t been good about updating my Friendster blog regularly because my efforts are focused on my main blog at http://www.pinaynewyorker.com.

But I promise to try and update this one more regularly now.  It’s good to have a presence among friends, after all.

Here goes..

Alan and I were having a serious discussion about friendship when I blurted out the line above.  I was telling him about my long-standing friendships and how, despite violent disagreements or change in either or both of the parties, I have discovered that the ones which have survived through it all are those who do not treat friendship as something that can be switched "ON" and "OFF".  In short, it’s those friends who are ever reliable and dependable, come what may.

To be consistent is something that takes work to achieve.  It means having the heart to accept another person even if what he or she says is not what we want to hear.  It’s being able to speak one’s heart out in defense of your stand without fear of recrimination, because you know that even if you disagree, or if you say something that is not easy to accept, the one on the receiving end will not forget you are first and foremost, friends.

I remember during one of the rare times that Jonathan and I got together and I had just started seeing this guy I was so terribly fond of and who was equally very fond of me– I poured my heart out to him and asked him his opinion about what I was going through.  The relationship didn’t seem to be going anywhere, and he told me point blank that it seemed to him that the relationship was just for fun.  "See you when I see you.. " he told me.  I had to stop a while and my smile froze midway and almost disappeared, and then I softly said, "You think so?".. and the look on my face didn’t stop him from reiterating and further explaining what he meant.

Jonathan has a way of being frank without being brutal about it.  But he doesn’t mince words when I ask him his opinion of something or someone.  We have known each other for more than 20 years now, and our friendship is punctuated with long absences and moments of silence.  Yet we know the bond is there, no matter how life has changed both of us.  And yes, we can still speak our minds and hearts freely.

I have learned to cope with the consequences of distance and time getting between friends.  It saddens me when a friend chooses to stay away and put that distance between us because the opinion I expressed or the supposed truth I speak hurts or is unacceptable.  I would like to think that I am the kind of friend who would not turn away from another who tells me he doesn’t agree with what I think or what I said.  It’s a free country as bestfriend Fe would say. =)  And isn’t that what friendship is all about?  It’s not about always being in agreement.  Rather, it’s going beyond the disagreements and the differences that makes for a solid friendship.  It is heartbreaking when a friend opts to shut me out instead of telling me honestly that he didn’t like what I said.  I guess in that instance, somebody flips the Friendship switch off — which brings me to the question, is that being a true friend?

It is also most disappointing when friends are nowhere to be found when their hearts are not aching.  When all is well, they conveniently disappear — only to resurface when things start falling apart again.  I have always distinguished between friends and boyfriends — it’s not an either/or thing — they exist on two different planes, hence, I have no problem having them exist at the same time in my life.

From time to time, we find ourselves taking stock of things and we look at the state of our relationships.  Much as we would like to think that all our relationships get deeper through time, we have to come to terms with the reality that there are relationships that whittle away and fade.. and sometimes die.  Like a lover who eventually learns to give up upon realizing that "sometimes, love just ain’t enough" as the song goes, a friend can grow weary of another friend’s fickle heart.

Sure, the friendship remains, but the dynamic of that friendship changes when the switch gets turned off and on… off and on…  I know I don’t turn off my switch — because I don’t see it that way, I DO NOT have a switch to flick on or off. And I have enough friends who are there, come what may — and so at the end of the day, it’s not my loss.  It’s a sad fact of life — but it helps us appreciate those who stand by us through it all, despite our frailties and imperfections.  Those are the true friends we should surround ourselves with, because they will not turn off the switch when it’s convenient for them to shut us out of their lives.  They are a constant presence - and that’s what friendship is all about.